Thursday, January 28, 2016
"I hear the government is deploying all resources to tackle Lassa fever."
"Really? Just like Ebola?"
"Exactly, just like Ebola."
"But that time banks and schools were checking people's temperatures and providing taps to wash hands, I don't see that now."
"That is because Ebola and lassa, though both viral haemorrhagic fevers have different modes of transmission, here there's a different vector - rats."
"Rats? But I still see rats everywhere."
"Didn't you listen to the Minister of Health the other day?"
"I didn't know we have a Minister of Health."
"The government is doing a lot to eradicate them from the environment."
"Really? But I was in a government hospital the other day and I saw large rats running around."
"Don't worry, the rats have been technically defeated, they no longer have the capacity to mount conventional attacks on the populace."
"But I hear more people have died due to Lassa Fever than Ebola which only claimed a handful."
"Young man, you don't know what you're saying, do you know how much the government has budgeted for health this year?
"You mean for the health of the president?"
"Young man, what are you talking about?"
"I hear 4.8 billion naira was budgeted for the Aso rock clinic."
"Is it not too much?"
"Young man, do you know what a clinic is?"
"Yes, it is a place used to provide health services to OUT PATIENTS, what could they possibly need 4.8 billion naira for?
"Young man, we are talking about Aso Rock, don't you know the president needs a first class clinic with state of the art facilities to serve him and the Aso Rock staff?"
"I agree sir, but it's just a clinic, I believe there is a teaching hospital in Abuja."
"My friend do you want the president to go to a public teaching hospital?"
"I'm sorry sir, but err... what will they use the money for? I hear that is more than the budget of some teaching hospitals."
"Sharrap there, do you know how much medical equipments cost? Do you know how much an MRI, a dialysis machine or an ambulance costs?"
"Yes sir, a MRI machine costs about $3m while a new dialysis machine costs about $10,000; but sir the president does not have kidney failure and it's not like he would need an MRI daily, maybe once a year or once in his tenure; surely it can be done in a private lab."
"Young man, it seems you don't know your mate."
"I'm sorry sir, I was just trying to make common sense."
image source: thedlhughleyshow.com