Thursday, September 19, 2013

WHY I WON'T GO BACK TO MEDICAL SCHOOL EVEN IF I AM GIVEN A MILLION DOLLARS


It started as a simple reply to a tweet: "If you could be a teenager again would you be?"
And my reply?: "Yes, if I would be handed my degree at 21 without reading."
I went further to say this:" Wouldn't go through med school again even if I was given a million dollars." This sparked some reactions, my friend @StNaija replied he would go through medical school again twice! if he was given a million dollars. He went further to ask this important question:

"People,Do you know what N165 M (165 million naira or 1 million dollars)can do?
This got me thinking and I decided to do some research; from straight dope.com I got this:
.

HOW BIG(/SMALL) IS A MILLION DOLLARS?


1. 1 million dollars in $100 bills is 10,000 bills, a bill is 0.010922 cm in thickness. That would be 109.2cm.That would be a stack of bills about 3 and a half feet high.

2. $1m is about 696,500 Euros, if they gave that to you in 500 Euro notes, it would be 1393 notes, when stacked, it would be under 6 inches.

3. $1m in $100 dollar bills would fit into a normal grocery bag.

So, I carried my research further:

HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE TO SPEND $1M DOLLARS IF YOU SPENT $100 DAILY?

The answer from Wiki answers.com is about 27 years. Wow, tempting!

SO SOME FACTS ABOUT MEDICAL SCHOOL (IN NIGERIA)

1. It would cost you at least 7 years of your life.

2. If there are strikes in between you may do about 9 or 10 years.

3. You need to have a high JAMB score to be admitted or else you would be given some other courses like soil science.

4. Out of 100 people that start a class, about 60 would become doctors, the remaining 40, well....

5. If you fail any course in your first year, you would be asked to leave medicine.

6. If you fail in your third year, you can repeat the class, if you fail again, you may be asked to leave medicine.

7. When in clinicals, you may pass your written exams but fail the whole exam if you displease your clinical examiner, a situation known as "FAILED CLINICALS".

8. With two repeats you may be asked to leave medical school.

9. You are deemed to have passed only when you "satisfy the examiners". Thus an examiner can "sit" on your pass.

10. People have been known to spend up to 13 years in med school.

11. There is always a life determining exam before you; you eat, drink, play with this threat over you.

12. When you finally become a doctor, you have to scour the length and breadth of Nigeria (on your parents money) to find a place to do your housemanship.

13. Your salary for the first 5 years after you graduate won't be enough to buy you a brand new car or a house.

So when I think of putting at least 14 years of my life (medical school twice) to get 1 million dollars, you can guess my reply.

If you were me, what would you do?

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

PART 2 A FOREIGNER'S GUIDE TO VISITING A NIGERIAN (PUBLIC) HOSPITAL.



So, where were we?
Ah! Yes, I remember.

So, now you have been adequately debriefed, a few further things to note about processes:

1.APPOINTMENTS:
What did you say? You call to make appointments with your doctor? For real? Hahaha, but seriously, why would you do that when you can easily stroll into our public hospitals and get an appointment. Yes, I said stroll. You would get the appointment immediately - to see the doctor in six months to one year's time. Why are you surprised? Don't you know that the ratio of Doctors to patients in Nigeria is about 1 doctor to 3500 patients

2.RECORDS.
Your records are very safe with us, you have nothing to fear. Why do you look sceptical?Alright come with me and take a look - come into this room - what's that in your hair, cobwebs? sorry about that. Look at that tower of files over there with papers sticking out and falling off, those are the files. Where are the computers? That is one over there, but please be careful not to close the records officer's facebook page.

3. INSURANCE
Do we have health insurance and free health care? Yes we do. I'm sure you have heard all the jingles on the radio. It's actually free for you to get registered and obtain a file number. What else were you expecting? Isn't that free enough?

4.TESTS AND RESULTS
Urgent tests are treated urgently, we don't play with that. Once the technician resumes tomorrow morning, your test will be done urgently.

5. REFERRALS
We run a world class referral system; all our hospitals work together, we all know each other's addresses, when we can't handle a problem, we will send to another hospital, from where you would be sent to another hospital, from there, you would still be sent to another hospital...


TO BE CONTINUED?


Sunday, September 8, 2013

A FOREIGNER'S GUIDE TO VISITING A NIGERIAN (PUBLIC) HOSPITAL. PART 1


Welcome dear foreigner, I do hope you had a nice flight, I believe you were courteously treated by our immigration officials at the airport, and your pocket is in the same state it was when you left the shores of your country.

I hear you would like to see a doctor in one of our distinguished and world class hospitals? No problem, here are some things you should know - sorry, before doing that, I need to debrief you and clean your brain from some of the things you are used to:

1. THE HOSPITAL IS A SERENE ENVIRONMENT

You remember that atmosphere of tranquillity and feeling of peace you get when you visit your hospitals? Well, scratch that and think of a market scene - Oh come off it! I said market not mall; you still don't know what a market scene is like? Alright, google "Idumota market". You've done that? Great! What's that look I see on your face?

2.THE HOSPITAL IS VERY CLEAN.

By clean you mean spotless floors you can eat from? Beds that are well maintained? Clean sheets etc? Well, you can actually eat from our floors, just take these four pills after you do, but please don't ask to use the toilet.

3.YOU CAN EASILY GET INFORMATION.

You know the hospital help desk with a smiling lady that answers all your questions patiently? Well, I would simply advice you wear comfortable shoes when you come to our hospital because you would do a fair amount of walking. From the gate you may be directed to walk straight down and turn left then ask whoever you see. When you've done that, the person you meet will tell you to turn right and walk straight down and ask the person you see; that person will tell you you missed a turn, go back and turn left. Well, you get the picture now?

4. EVERYBODY IS WILLING TO HELP.

So you're sobbing and don't know what to do or who to see? Well, can you go sob in that corner? I don't want the doctor to be distracted when he sees me, after all, I've been here for two hours and you're only just arriving.

5. YOU CAN THREATEN A LAWSUIT IF UNFAIRLY TREATED.

You have a complaint about me? You want to see my boss? Fair enough, that's his office over there. When you get there, do say hello to him and tell him he forgot his wristwatch at our club yesterday.

TO BE CONTINUED?
IMAGE COURTESY: news.naij.com