Dear Patients ,
How are you?
You know I care so much about you , that is why I am taking out time to write you this note.
As we all know, the World Cup is around the corner - I feel it is necessary we are all prepared for some changes that will occur during the events, I have thought long and hard before coming to the following conclusions:
1.COMPLAINTSMake your complaints brief and to the point. I am really not interested in your family and social history.
2. LENGTH OF SICKNESS .If you have been sick for over 5 days and are just coming for the first time, another 2 hour wait for the TV highlights to end will not kill you.
3. PATIENTS ON THE WARD.You are advised to keep arms that have IV lines ABSOLUTELY still during the period of any match I am watching, as any tissued lines will not be reset.
4. PREGNANT WOMEN.I have a soft spot for you.
If you know your Expected Date of Delivery falls on a day my country has an important match, kindly come to me now for some quick tips on self delivery( items needed: warm towels and really sharp scissors or garden shears.)
5. INJURIES.- Except your head is cut off, be satisfied with a bandage for any...and I mean any kind of injury.
6. CONSULTATION TIME.now for any kind of complaint is one minute, if you feel you need to talk more, I will be glad to refer you elsewhere...
7. PATIENTS AND NURSES- The fact that I am watching the TV on the wards does not mean I came in for consultations...
8. PEOPLE WITH JUST ONEof the following symptoms will not be seen:
1.Inability to sleep. .
3.Cough or catarrh.
4. Lack of appetite.
5. Pain....(Please note that pain and agony are not the same thing) .
The aforementioned should go to their local Pharmacy.
9. If you suddenly see me jump up and start dancing while consulting, don't think your doctor has run mad - it's a goallll!
Thank you for your support.
Your Football loving Doctor.
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