NOTICE INTENDING PATIENTS!Kindly pick a copy of the following instruction manual at the reception desk before you see me:
1. Have clean underwear - it could be of Mickey Mouse, Power Rangers, The American flag or Superman, but please let it be clean.
2. If I haven't specifically asked for your body fluids, please don't show me your urine, vomitus or sputum stored in a transparent nylon bag.
3. I don't have sweets or tea to offer you, so quit looking at me as if I forgot something.
4. I have absolutely, I repeat, absolutely no power to settle feuds between you and the nurses.
5. This is not Grey's Anatomy, ER or House; things are done a little slower here.
6. Note my closing hours - coming in five minutes before, is totally unacceptable - what time would I have to pack my bags?
7. Don't lie, I will get you.
8. Carefully select the relative who accompanies you to the hospital...hint - not aggressive, rude, overly inquisitive, talkative or dramatic. They can determine how serious I take you.
9. If you've been here five times on previous occasions to see me, why bother again?
Special thanks to The Angry Medic