Friday, June 29, 2012

SOME MOTHERS DO HAVE THEM.





I felt pity for the old man, he had struggled a lot with his condition and now needed help.

He needed somebody to be by his side, to help him with the necessary running around required to get him back to health.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he pleaded with me to speak to his son who he needed to come to his aid. Reluctantly, I collected the phone and spoke with his son:

Me: "Your father is in the Emergency Room, he's not too good and needs you to come take care of him"

Son: "He knows the kind of work I do, I can't leave my work to come to the Hospital."

#Ok Bye.



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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

ANOTHER MYSTERY FOR YOU.






WHO WAS HE?

Mrs J was found dead in her room, the door locked on the outside. The key was found placed on a table after a frantic search had been made for it.

There was only one suspect who had been noticed leaving the room by Mrs J's teen daughter. The suspect (male) had stayed overnight with Mrs J.

After examining Mrs J's lifeless body, I became interested in the Story which had the following peculiarities:

1.The Door was locked on the outside and the key placed on a table.

2.There was a mystery man at large who Mrs J's daughter could recognise .

3. Mrs J's husband was away.

4. The death occurred in Mrs J's husband's house.

5. There was no immediate evidence of a traumatic death.

MY QUESTIONS.


1. Who was the mystery man, and what was their relationship?

2. If he had to kill her, why did he do it in her husband's house?

3. Why was the key placed where it could be found?

4. Did the daughter know more than she claimed?

5. Could the murder have been premeditated?

6. Was It Suicide?

7. WHAT SHOULD BE THE HUSBAND'S REACTION?

What are your thoughts?


First Mystery here.

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Monday, June 25, 2012

FIND A FAMILY DOCTOR -7 HABITS TO WATCH OUT FOR .




Ever walked into a Hospital ... then walked right out when you see the Doctor on duty?


Yes, I know the feeling - Even if he was the last Doctor on Earth, you'd rather die than have him treat you.

Finding a good Doctor for yourself or your family, may be a daunting task, here are some habits you should look out for (if you had the choice) when choosing your doctor.


1. A GOOD LISTENER.

A Doctor must be a good listener, gently guiding the conversation to get all the important facts - rather than cutting you short at every whim or telling you to hurry up and get to the point.


2. CALM.

A Doctor must never lose his cool, lives are dependent on his ability to remain calm through tense situations.


3. COURTEOUS.

A courteous Doctor respects you and would not deliberately do anything that would not be in his patient's best interest.


4. REMEMBERS YOUR NAME.

If after five visits, your doctor still has to look at his notes before addressing you, then he probably forgets about you after each visit.


5. APPEARANCE.

Now I'm not talking about good looking Doctors (Grey's Anatomy). A Doctor that appears unkempt, smelling of either Alcohol or Cigarettes may not be the best for you.


6. WORD AROUND TOWN.

If the word around town is that your Doctor is not a good one, then he probably isn't. A Good reputation has a way of spreading, so does a bad one.


7. RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER HOSPITAL WORKERS.

A Doctor with an excellent relationship with Nurses, Pharmacists, Lab Scientists, Records staff and Cleaners will probably be good to you. Also, he can get all the aforementioned to offer their best services to you because they like him or her.


So back to my initial question: have you ever walked into a Hospital and walked right out because of the Doctor on duty?




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Sunday, June 24, 2012

HOW I WAS HUMBLED BY MALARIA.






"Do Doctors fall sick?"


"How come Doctors fall sick?"


These are the usual comments I get, when I have to, albeit reluctantly, tell someone that I have fallen sick. It becomes even more embarrassing when I have to tell them it is due to "common Malaria".

" But You should know what to take, or are you not a Doctor?"


Yes, I know I am a Doctor. Yes, I know some people consider us superhuman - We know everything about diseases - All the tricks and methods of illnesses are at our fingertips - How then, can they harm us?

If, in the unlikely? event that a Doctor falls sick, then surely, it must be due to something really terrible, worse than HIV or Cancer , and , tongue twisting too like Malignant Pleural Mesothelioma... not Malaria... common Malaria, caused by a little Mosquito.


MALARIA IS NOT JUST "COMMON", MOSQUITOS ARE NOT JUST "LITTLE".


As I lay down, drenched in my own sweat - too weak to stand or walk, Unable to eat anything, a drip delivering fluid into my veins, I made a mental note - The next set of patients I would see having Malaria would have special attention.

No more would I look at them as if they just came to disturb my peace, no more would I roll up my eyes when they say they are too weak to go to work - MALARIA IS A SERIOUS ILLNESS!

I have developed a new found respect for Malaria, Malaria is no respecter of person, position, or status. Mosquitos also.

And by the way, there are Mosquitos in Kings Palaces.

How has Malaria humbled you? I would really like to know.


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Wednesday, June 20, 2012

WHAT BROUGHT YOU HERE?






Out of curiosity I checked the top keywords with which my blog posts were found and thought it will be good to put a summary here and useful links.

Note : Search items not edited for grammatical accuracy.

1. Future of medicine:

This post about my vision (used loosely here) of how medicine will be in the year 3012.

2. Awkward doctor stories:

Must be this post about awkward and embarassing moments of being a doctor.

3. Breaking bad true story based

Must be this story of my peculiar way of breaking bad news to patient relatives.

4. Sickle cell diaries:

This poem about the realities of having sickle cell from a sufferer's point of view.

5. Cartoon doctor and patient:

Awkward moments continued, but this time from the patient's point of view.

6. Cute Black Babies:

Must be this hilarious post about a lady who wasn't sure who the father of her baby was

7. keep out of the reach of children:

Sad story about a teenager who committed suicide.

8. How to know before study medicine:

This post about things I wish I knew before studying medicine.

9. My wife superwoman photos:

Here I talked on the challenges of being a single mother and a good doctor.

10. Cartoon cat's face:

Talked about Cancer here. How crafty it is and the subtle way it creeps into people's lives.

So there it is, but I would really like to know how YOU discovered my Blog.

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LETTER TO MY ANGRY PATIENT.






Dear Angry Patient, before I start, I must say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for keeping you waiting. I see you've been here for a while thinking I haven't even come to work. I know it wouldn't interest you to know I actually slept in the hospital, and I'm just out of a rushed ward round because I know you'd be waiting for me.

I'm sorry I can't spend more than 10 minutes with you. There are 60 patients waiting, it will take 10 hours with no break if I spend 10 minutes with each of them.

I'm sorry I have to give you long appointments. Seeing 60 patients a day means 1200 patients in a month, what if they were all to come back in addition to new patients? Now you understand.

By the way, do you know Nigeria has only 0.4 doctors to 1000 patients? The United Kingdom has 2.8 doctors to 1000 patients, and guess where many of them are from.

I'm sorry I don't smile or look as good as Doctors on Grey's Anatomy. Frankly speaking, I haven't been home in 2 days, and I have repeatedly failed my exams. All this because I don't have enough time to read being here with you, so please pardon me.

I'm sorry you don't agree with me that you need to do all these tests, afterall, its only a cough; any cough syrup will do. But, I'm sure you would hate me if you came back with Tuberculosis or even HIV.

I'm sorry I can't treat you as an Emergency just because you have friends in high places, I haven't forgotten my welfare is not so important to these friends of yours.

So Dear Angry Patient I hope you find it in your heart to bear with me.

Sincerely Yours,
Your Over-Worked Nigerian Doctor.


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Monday, June 18, 2012

FUNNY TALES FROM MEDICAL SCHOOL.




It's been quite a number of years since we left Medical School, so I guess I will be forgiven for this. We indeed had funny lecturers who said the craziest stuff.

IDENTITIES HAVE BEEN PROTECTED * Wink*

1. Cardiology lecturer to student : You should not wear this ward coat to my clinic again. It looks like it was sewn by a mechanic. It makes you look like an apprentice.


2. During a written surgery Exam: Stand up everyone. Raise your question paper with your left hand, raise your answer sheet with your right hand and surrender to surgery.


3. Obstetrics Lecturer: If your brain is leaking in an exam hall and you don't know the answer to a particular question, just write the question and submit your paper, at least you won't get zero on that question.


4. Surgery Lecturer : You should never forget the indications for an amputation - A dead limb, a deadly one, and a damn nuisance!


5. Surgery Lecturer (Rephrased): Some students are very Lazy. Even if you tell them the answer is BLOG, some will still write BLAG.


6. Surgery Lecturer Mr M (Paraphrased): This is the time we can catch you and deal with you properly. Because as soon as we give you the certificate and you see me on the road, you will begin to say "Mr M, how are you?"


7. Surgery Lecturer Mr M (Paraphrased): Some people have vanishing testes syndrome and they don't know. They will keep visiting various herbalists thinking it was someone who stole their testes.


8. Another Surgery Lecturer: That black fat girl with fat eyeballs please answer the question.


9. Gynaecology Lecturer: You can trust a woman from the neck upwards but not from the neck downwards.


Will be glad to get your own funny Lecturer Quotes.
IMAGE COURTESY

Saturday, June 16, 2012

HOW TO FIND A DECENT WOMAN.





I watched her as she walked away, her shoulder squared and her jaw firmly set; I knew I was fighting a losing battle.


I had pleaded with her to see my point of view, she said she understood but I still feared the worst. Didn't she care anymore?


I had given her all the reasons she should reconsider her decision, afterall, she was old enough to handle the responsibility despite still being in college. It wasn't the end of the world, something good would come out of this, bla, bla, bla.

She looked at me like kids look at a good storyteller.


I was once again in this uncomfortable position , infact it had become a recurring scene . Expectedly, the ladies kept changing but sadly, the underlying theme remained the same -

Young ladies requesting for an abortion.

Or what did you think I was talking about?





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THE PRISONER (Help solve this Mystery).





I have met the best of people, and I have met the worst of people; but in medicine, there should be no discrimination between these two groups of people ( I think ). Afterall, we are not judges.

So what do you do when you are told the patient you are seeing just tried to slice off another person's head using a machete?

There was nothing that looked criminal about the patient, there was nothing that looked homicidal about him. I guess that was the reason his female boss had no suspicions when she hired him to be her Chauffeur - big mistake.

A mistake that would almost cost her her life.

But now he was unconscious, brought in by Policemen, and yours truly was called upon to attend to him.

I examined him, half expecting him to suddenly jump up, twist my hands with a vice- like grip, while landing a sharp blow to the policemen and taking off into the twilight. A common occurrence in films (prison break).

I digress, oh yes, where was I ?

He was unconscious. He had just been identified by his now ex-boss who he struck with a machete and stole her car. The boss had been in a coma for a while but had recovered enough to identify him.

After being identified, he was taken back to his cell where he ate a piece of bread and slumped.

Can you help solve this mystery, what caused him to slump?






There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face.~ Shakespeare.

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Saturday, June 9, 2012

9 PRECAUTIONARY WARNINGS FOR MY PATIENTS.




NOTICE INTENDING PATIENTS!

Kindly pick a copy of the following instruction manual at the reception desk before you see me:



1. Have clean underwear - it could be of Mickey Mouse, Power Rangers, The American flag or Superman, but please let it be clean.


2. If I haven't specifically asked for your body fluids, please don't show me your urine, vomitus or sputum stored in a transparent nylon bag.


3. I don't have sweets or tea to offer you, so quit looking at me as if I forgot something.


4. I have absolutely, I repeat, absolutely no power to settle feuds between you and the nurses.


5. This is not Grey's Anatomy, ER or House; things are done a little slower here.


6. Note my closing hours - coming in five minutes before, is totally unacceptable - what time would I have to pack my bags?


7. Don't lie, I will get you.


8. Carefully select the relative who accompanies you to the hospital...hint - not aggressive, rude, overly inquisitive, talkative or dramatic. They can determine how serious I take you.


9. If you've been here five times on previous occasions to see me, why bother again?







Special thanks to The Angry Medic


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Monday, June 4, 2012

HOSPITAL UNDER SIEGE.






They came in a group, fierce looking men, all armed. There was no means of escape.

Everybody took to the floor.

There are two places I believe armed robbers should not operate - Houses of worship and hospitals.

Apparently, these robbers didn't get that memo.

They asked for the M.D; everyone denied knowing where he was. Angry, they proceeded to the hospital cashier to help themselves with some cash.

Then, they systematically started to dispossess both patients and staff of their valuables. Mariah and Kenny, looking down at the scene below, ran upstairs to the top floor where I was staying.

I was oblivious to the happenings downstairs.

"Doctor, Doctor, please open up", they whispered. I opened up my door to let them in while they hurriedly told me what was happening.

You can guess what I did next, I charged angrily down the stairs with my needle poised and confronted the robbers...ehm, no.

Instead I did the brave thing: I locked the door and switched off the lights while we all huddled together in a corner, quiet and hoping for the best.

The robbers got to the first and second floors where they met patients who pretended to be more sick than they really were and nurses who faced a dilemma: should they pretend to be patients so they would be left alone or should they pretend to be really good nurses whom their patients couldn't do without?



The robbers finally finished their operation and turned to leave without getting to the top floor. They didn't get to my room and they didn't see the M.D who was among those lying flat on the ground floor.

He had denied himself.

Who was the greater coward, the M.D or I?




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